To Boldly Go Where No One has Gone Before...
Yes, an entire on point (OP) weekend and it was better then I thought! I did a great job, walked both days and stayed positive, even when my DH suggested Pizza for dinner on Saturday night. I made turkey burgers and he was happy as a clam.
I am solidly on the Rosie side of the Trump/Rosie feud, but even so my reality TV addiction won out and I watched the premier of the Apprentice last night and can I just say, "ewww." From the very beginning with Melania & Baron's ridiculously staged appearance (nice head band, not) to the over-produced end it was a train wreck. Will I stop watching, nope, I'll watch it and complain every time I do, that's why they call it an addiction.
Every once in awhile my addiction to food rears it's ugly head, why is it harder to quit food then anything else? My guess would be because it's something you "need," unfortunately when I'm not "dieting" I don't crave lettuce and lean meats, it's the bad stuff I want. Over the holidays I picked up the habit of using real butter. Yes, real no kidding butter. What was I thinking? I'm off the good stuff, back on the reduced fat margarine spread or spray variety. When will the days of Star Trek come true and all food will materialize out of thin air and most likely have low fat & calories, after all no one on Star Trek is fat, not even the extras.

Sometimes I am not the sharpest tool in the shed... So I start afresh at my weight loss journey and this afternoon I was looking at my calendar and there it is, next Friday, big as day.

Vegas, oh Las Vegas, den on overindulgence, home of sin, town of a million (and one) restaurants! What was I thinking, what am I thinking! Oh good gravy what the heck will I do?

So here is the goal, walk as many places as we can, eat light on breakfast & lunch, and try and stop when I'm satisfied. Uh, I am such a whiner. I was looking forward to drinking (a lot) since my DS is home with the Grandparents and I am not yet pregnant, but I will also try and limit the intake of alcohol as well. Besides, since I became a mother my tolerance is for nothin' Two glasses of wine and I'm asleep at the table!

So today me and the treadmill got together and I walked for 1 hour! Woo hoo, now I am technically done for the week, but will I stop? Oh no I won't! I have plans to go to Costco at noon with the DH tomorrow, but my aim is to walk before that and try and do it over the weekend to. I think I also want to pick up that new book, "You on a Diet." I have read good things about it, and wouldn't mind taking a look. It is by that Dr. Oz guy form Oprah, I try and watch her when I can stomach her uppity sanctimonious attitude (OK who am i kidding I watch her all the time but that doesn't mean I can't like her attitude!), and I think he has always been humorous and interesting. I will be sure to let you know.

No I don't belong to the Biggest Loser Club. It is actually in reference to the show, and my lazy ass couldn't find an image for just the Biggest Loser, so I figured this would work. I bring it up because I watched the finale this morning, almost a month late while I was working out. Why on earth would a reality TV addict like me wait almost a month to see those amazing results? Well it has to do with guilt, shame and all sorts of fun negative attitudes I give myself. Guilt over a TV show? Uh, yes, that would be me, pity, party of one. I stopped watching the show because seeing all those people trying so hard to do what I had (temporarily) given up on made me feel guilty and ashamed, it made me feel bad. Heck, every time a Weight Watchers commercial (my diet plan of choice) came on the air I took everything I had not to immediately change the channel. I recently posted something on a group I belong to (nor-cal WW shout out) and I will also put it here:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok ladies, in the spirit of trying to get everyone over the negative
self talk I wanted to share something with you to make all of us
(including me) realize that this whole weight loss journey is hard.
No if's, and's, or but's about it, no matter who you are, what you
have, or where you go it will be a journey and life adjustment
forever. That said, I'm not sure how many of you have said, "if I
had "x" I know I could lose more weight..."

Redbook magazine had it's very first "Real-Life Healthy Life"
challenge in 2006, they choose 3 readers and helped them try to
refocus and change their lives. They got many things that ladies
like us would love to get! Specialized workouts planned for them, a
nutritionist visited them at home, they had a large accountability as
they were shown monthly in the magazine. So at the end of this
journey for these 3 women, were they all thin? Nope, they sure were
not, the largest weight loss was 52 lbs ; the other ladies lost 12.5
and zero pounds.

So why, you may ask, am I sharing this with you? To gloat? To say
neeneer neeneer for all that free help? to be nasty? Nope, I'm
sharing this with you to show you how hard this journey is. This was
a huge epiphany for me as I read these articles every month and saw
the year getting closer to the end and very little weight loss (for
the most part) happening. Darn it, in my fantasies if I had all that
help I would be skinny by July! But that wasn't the case for these
women... Why?

Because even if you are chosen to be in a magazine, or on a TV show,
or just if you make the choice for yourself, weight loss is hard.
There will be huge strides, small steps, there will be set backs,
sometimes life will get in the way and sometimes you will feel like
giving up, why? Because it's hard! So please everyone, no matter
where you are in your journey, whether you post frequently or are
reading this anonymously from behind your screen remember this is
hard work, remember that, embrace it and try not to get discouraged!
Anything worth having is worth fighting for, so let's fight a brave
fight for our health, our self confidence, our selves and remember if
you're beating yourself up in midst of the battle, it will be much
harder to succeed.

Remember it's not easy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Negative self talk, guilt shame, embarrassment, heck it's all the same. I stopped going to meetings, posting on my board for all of these reasons, but what never occurred to me was that ALL of us have these feelings. We have all hit a brick wall in things that we try/attempt/work at, but the measure of success isn't necessarily the numbers on a scale or on a pair of pants, it's picking yourself back up again and trying again. So in the honor of the rubber tree plant ant, i'm picking myself up and giving it another shot!

What just makes that little ole ant,
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant.
Anyone knows, an ant, can't,
Move a rubber tree plant.
Cause he's got high hopes,
He's got high hopes.
He's got high apple pie,
in the sky....hopes.
So, anytime you're feeling low,
instead of letting go.
Just remember that ant,
Whoops, there goes another rubber tree,
whoops, there goes another rubber tree,
whoops, there goes another rubber tree plant.

OK, yes I'm back again, trying to slay the same demon. I was so on track last year, I thought I had it all together, then my in-laws came to visit. This became an excuse to eat out every night they were here, which lets be honest is a big weakness of mine. Two weeks after they left my cousins came for Thanksgiving and then it just spiraled out of control. The holidays, the baking, the pigging out for no known reason. My DH and I decided to start trying to get pregnant again, and that was it, i used it as an excuse to say, whatever goes! Now it's January and in the last two months I gained 20, yes 20, pounds back. Ugh the humanity!

So what's a girl to do? I'm going to do the only thing that has ever helped me be a successful loser, Weight Watchers. I figure I'll get myself back on track until I get knocked up and then follow a quasi modified version of the plan. Let's be honest, I'm not going to hurt any fetus if I lose some weight in the first trimester, I'm a big girl, i have plenty of stores.

This morning, like a good little WWer, I decided to walk on the treadmill when my DS went down for his nap. First obstacle, none of my sports bras fit. UGH, ok, the last time I walked they were snug, but this time it was insanity! I had to turn into a contortionist to get the damn thing on! It kills me! I hate it when your something like that just throws your weight gain in your face! I have to go buy one that fits, the marks on my rib cage still haven't faded. I did a nice walk, 45 minutes, I'm aiming for 30 minutes 3x/week.

Now here is something else strange I've noticed about myself. I heated up a WW lunch and as I was pulling the plastic film off, i'm scraping off every last ounce of cheese left on it (mac & cheese). This is something I also do with yogurt, or anythng with a lid that may have some small amount left on it. this is how crazy I am! Like that less then half of a half of an ounce is going to kill me if I don't get it. I know this, my mind is telling me thins. But there I am scrapping the cheese off like a crazy food addict. I must learn to control this.

Goals for the year:
1. Stop scraping every last damn morsel into my mouth.
2. Exercise at least 3 times per week.
3. Drink more water.
4. Stop using food as a reward.
5. Be accountable.
6. Remember every day is a new day.

Well these are the crazy things that are on my mind right now, thanks for letting me vent :-)

Cute baby and Chubby Mom

Ok, I'm baaaack! I don't understand where my time goes, i really don't. I'm still rolling along here on my journey...

Weighed in today and lost an additional 2.4 pounds, brining my total weight loss to -13.8. Yay me! I feel like I am really in my zone and this is making me happy. The bad news is, this weekend we're going to Las Vegas, Sin City. For me the sins are food. God how i love food! I need to stay focused and in my zone while I'm there, and so I have scouted out a WW meeting and am planning to WI while I am there, hopefully that will keep me real.

My husband has been trying to be as supportive as possible, but sometimes, i just really want to strangle him. He gets very weird about me immersing myself into this. I have been posting with a local WW group and reading up on big losers, and he gets very negative about it. I have tried to explain to him that it's just me keeping myself inspired and he doesn't understand. I think sometimes he has a hard time believing that i have "different" ways of doing things than him. I think part of the problem is he doesn't care how heavy I am and doesn't really understand why i want to lose weight. Uh, hello, I'm obese! Take a look at my BMI, it's not just kinda sort of, it's way in the obese section. I just want to get healthy and happy with my body image, i don't want to be limited to the things I can or can't do because of my size. I don't want my son growing up with a mom who can't do things with him. I need to do something about this, so i am.

Wish me luck on my trip and good vibes and OP wishes to everyone.

D'Oh! Two weeks and i've disappeared already! But never fear, i have done great! I lost 2.5 pounds this week, bringing my total to -9, yay me!

I had company at the house two weeks ago, and then i took a week to recover. I find it very strange how the days are passing and it doesn't really seem like i'm doing things, yet i'm busy every day. I think this motherhood thing is much more difficult then anyone let on. do you remember the old Army ads, "this is the toughest job you'll ever love?" Well so far that's motherhood to me. I am also officially unemployed, which is completely bizzaro. I have worked sine i was 15, so this should take some getting used to!

The Boss slept for 5 1/2 hours last night, mommy of course woke up 4 1/2 hours in and sat up waiting to be woken up. What the heck is going to happen to me once he actually sleeps through the night!?!

Back to the weight loss. I have been working out M-Sat so that is helping, i really need to drink my water, i think that will help. Everyone wish me an on point week!

Well the boss calls!

Out of town family is gone and now the cleaning begins!

I was terrified of going to weigh in yesterday knowing with the out of towners i wasn't good at all on Friday and Saturday. The rest of the week i ate under my points and walked but on Friday and Saturday I went overboard. I did a family dinner on Saturday with a nice fattening lasagna and a birthday cake and on Saturday we did a buffet. Yes, a buffet, i think i ate 5 deserts! Oy vey! So yesterday I went and weighed in and I lost 4.6 lbs. yay me! So my goal for this week is to stay OP and loss more this week. I need to start walking or something, but i haven't quite decided on what yet. I do the walk with the baby, but there is only so fast i can do that, especially with the current weather. So until then i need to really watch my points and not over eat.

The Boss (that's what my FIL calls Matthew) is doing great and the extended feedings,i am trying to push him to eat every 4-5 hours instead of the 3 hours he was doing. It's going pretty well except at night, when he stills wants to eat every third hour or so. the doctor said he should only be waking up once a night ad should be sleeping through by 4 months. this mothering thing is hard! I want to "establish" good sleeping habits that all the books talk about but at thhe same time, i don't want to leave the Boss to cry at night when he's hungry. Especially since he's still in the Bassinet beside the bed. That's the other thing the doctor said... That he could be in the crib. The crib is in the other room! It's too soon for that, he's way to little (9 weeks) besides, i'm a Jewish mother in training.

OK,i need to vacuum the house while the Boss is asleep, or find another way to procrastinate!